Sharon 的个人资料The Voice Within照片日志列表更多 ![]() | 帮助 |
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2月16日 Mom and Dad... “裴忆恩”是我在还不怎么了解Ian的时候给他取的中文名字,当事只听说“是从剑桥附近来的。”
因为姓Perkins,裴这个姓几乎没什么争议,而到底是“一恩”还是“伊恩”还是“忆恩”确是斟酌了很久才定下来的,现在想想真是神奇——记得感恩,懂得“知恩图报”,这确实就是对这个相貌平平的诺福克人最贴切的描述。
差不多一年来,在领略了bits of London的别样风情之后,他突然说要一定带我去英格兰的乡村看看。
周五的King's Cross,从来没有见过伦敦的火车站那么繁忙,同行的还有Ian的两个同事Scott和Liana,四个人代表了地球上四个洲,除我俩以外,Scott来自澳洲,Liana出生在洛杉矶。一个半小时之后我们便来到了Ian出生长大的Downham Market,我们走出车站的时候,他老爸已经守候多时了。到了家放完行李,Ian打电话给儿时的伙伴Dave,两人几乎是穿开裆裤时就在一起打架、在图书馆里一起自习的兄弟,如今却有着各自不同的生活,Dave还在老家,今年夏天要结婚了。
Dave的到来也以为这Bar relay的开始,不过还好因为Liana不喝酒,才去了两家Liana就吵了要吃薯条了。小镇子上开到12点的Kabab也不多,闯进一家马上就要关门了,店小二说给10磅就可以把剩下的鸡翅、鸡块、土豆wedge全部拿走,还外加两份薯条。对于我们5个人来说是很好的bargin。在寂静的小镇上走,好像只有我们5个人的疯疯癫癫。现在回想起来好像还可以闻到鸡翅的香味。只是吃了满手的油……
回到家里,Ian妈妈已经把客房布置好了,床头的毛绒玩具、浴巾和巧克力让我一下子感觉到家一样。洗洗就睡了。
没想到小地方那么有得看,12世纪的城堡、教堂,在茶室坐坐、去海边走走……一天飞也似地就过去了。晚上我们去了游乐场,开了碰碰车、坐云天飞车……都记不起来是什么时候才玩过得了!15块钱三个人可以吃到最好的fish and chips,情人节,即使没有情人没有玫瑰,我也像到了天堂……
周日,我一头睡到11点。我们一行五人went for a walk,那时一条很泥泞的路,一路上没什么风景,最大的风景就是我们的鞋!我从来没有把脚踩进这样的泥潭里,从来没有这样用手摸过青苔、呼吸潮湿中带着阴冷的空气,走Ian小时候的路,回到家里,用水管冲洗鞋子,我们从心底里感到快乐。
Sunday Roast是Ian在这个地球上最爱的午餐食物,可是因为到得晚了,居然卖完了!在等上菜的同时,老板娘细心周到的送来三本相册,翻开一看,都是夫妻俩带着酒吧的招牌"HA"在旅行途中留下的记忆,从巴黎到纽约,从曼谷到南非,从澳大利亚到阿拉斯加……足迹遍布世界各地。再看看酒吧的布置,不夸张地说就是一个小型博物馆,老照片、夫妻收藏的高尔夫球棒、火柴盒上的照片、几十年来的平面广告……我不禁感慨,真正用心经营打理,顾客始终盈门!当然还有美味经典的餐点!我深深着陶醉在牛肉香浓的汁水和酒吧营造的浪漫氛围中。
我们终于要回伦敦了。Sylvia和Ralph眼中流露出来的东西我在我的父母眼中也曾经看到过,伤感——用快乐掩饰的伤感,更让人心疼和不忍。大包小包地给Ian带上了很多伦敦也买得到的东西,就跟当初我出门父母的如初一辙。Ralph把我们送到火车站,头也不会就要走,可当我们走上月台,突然看到老人夜幕中越走越近的身影——还是有东西要关照儿子!尽管儿子马上要33岁了!最后一句Goodbye son定格在我对这个慈祥的老人在这个情人节周末的最后回忆中。
重新坐上伦敦的地铁,我第一次有了“想离开”的感觉。我听到了教堂的钟声,嗅到了教堂里隐约的潮湿的我喜欢的霉味,还有老人们叮咛和嘱咐,隐约看到了昏黄灯光下的Ralph的背影。我想到了苏格兰的David,想到了上海的我的老爸,他们也是曾经这样地送别远行的我们。Scott、Liana、Ian和我都是“出远门”的人,Scott来自Perth,西澳州,一个无论去哪儿至少5小时车程的地方,因此很早就“出来了”;Liana是祖籍四川的美籍华人,在LA的阳光下长大,在耶鲁的图书馆泡大,拿着奖学金来中国学汉语;Ian18岁考上大学那年告诉自己,我可以离开这个地方了!我要去非洲、去南美、去亚洲、去纽约、去上海、去新加坡……去看世界。只是除了Ian以外的我们三个很久没有被送别的感觉了,因此看到“送别”,我们不是麻木就是反应过度了。
西方人太善于表达自己的情感,可是情到深处时过多地宣泄和表达就是徒劳。我想念JPJ,想念Fetter Lane的公寓,想念The Strand……但是我更想念上海,想念小笼包,想念小馄饨,想念冠生园路上的一草一木。
越是着迷越是害怕,害怕过一天少一天;因为拥有过,才害怕失去,拥有得越多,越是恐惧。终究,梦总是梦,梦总要醒的。
2月11日 Being different is what makes us great转载Telegraph 10 Feb 2009
In the wake of Britain's triumph at the Baftas and Grammys, Tom Horan examines what inspires us to be one of the world's most creative nations.By Tom Horan What makes Britain such a creative nation? Last weekend's awards ceremonies, the Baftas in London and the Grammys in Los Angeles, brought further confirmation, if it were needed, that when it comes to artistic excellence and innovation our small and often troubled country is a mighty performer. Whether the work be individual (a best actress Bafta to Kate Winslet, a best newcomer Grammy for young singer Adele), or collaborative (the seven awards for Danny Boyle's Slumdog Millionaire, the Grammys for Robert Plant's bluegrass project and for the group Coldplay), there is clearly something in the British character that throws up great art, art that the whole world wants and celebrates. So what is it that drives the British creative engine? One of the reasons the British are great creators is that they're great haters. This is putting it in rather extreme terms, but it is a powerful element of the national psyche to be critical, to have strong opinions. Here, after all, is a country that supports 22 national newspapers. This appetite for criticism can be a negative trait, as seen in the dismissiveness bordering on contempt that the British have for other people's success. It is the classic cri de coeur of the expatriate British star – a Phil Collins in Switzerland, a Michael Caine in Beverly Hills – that they had to move away from Britain because as soon as you are successful here people want to knock you down. It is undoubtedly true that they do. Curiously, the repercussions of this can be extremely healthy. An acceptance of the status quo can only ever produce more of the same. What we see so often in Britain is a cussed desire to do something different, to do the opposite to what everyone else is doing. Out with the old, in with the new. There is a strong sense throughout the British film and music industries that much of what they do defines itself in opposition to something – in particular, the American mainstream and Hollywood. Slumdog Millionaire director Danny Boyle is a great example. Boyle did flirt with Hollywood after the huge success of his Trainspotting in 1996, making movies such as The Beach with Leonardo DiCaprio, but he has remained in the UK, pursuing projects that he is passionate about, rather than primarily commercial ventures. Figures such as artist-turned-filmmaker Steve McQueen, who won a Bafta for his debut feature film Hunger, and documentary-maker James Marsh, who won best British film for Man on Wire, seem to thrive on their outsider status. In another example of the British gift for turning a negative into a positive, it seems that the parlous state of the British movie business throws up better filmmakers. It's so difficult to get funding and distribution here that only the most impassioned, the Somehow, the continuing low status of the creative industries in this country perpetuates this sense of being an underdog. The global popularity of British artistic endeavour is not a new phenomenon: it has made Britain money for decades. Nevertheless, there is still a sense here that working in the arts is "not a proper job". This produces a kind of amateur spirit, a feeling of succeeding against the odds, and that appeals to something deep in the British pysche. Adversity acts as a spur. It's as if it wouldn't be worth the bother making your name in the creative world if it were establishment-endorsed, well organised, a recognised career path. For decades, British fashion and pop music have embraced this penchant for the perverse. As soon as a type of music or a way of dressing establishes itself as fashionable and then popular, so a new subset of Brits will emerge who are intent on doing the opposite. When the haircut of the day seems to be the No 3 crop, you can bet that in some part of the country a new set of contrarians will be furiously cultivating Afros and matching beards. Thus did punk oust prog rock in the Seventies, and then Britpop see off house music when that, too, became ubiquitous in the mid-Nineties. There's a fantastic rigour to all this, a constant striving for individuality and a thirst for the original. It is the embracing of daring, of risk, that is a unifying quality of British artists across all disciplines. From the jaw-dropping designs of architects such as Zaha Hadid or Thomas Heatherwick, to the audacious works of Damien Hirst, and Danny Boyle making a mainstream film half in Hindi, achievement in itself is not enough – the badge of honour is always to be innovating. And surely the setting in which such people work, surrounded by massed ranks of critical countrymen, ever hungry for the new, helps focus the creative mind. Thus, 60-year-old Robert Plant, rich beyond measure from Led Zeppelin sales, eschewed the easy option of the reunion circuit to win five Grammys after making a brilliant bluegrass album with a singer, Alison Krauss, whom few in Britain had heard of. Of course, there are other, more prosaic reasons behind Britain's high standing in the great league table of creativity. Be you a playwright, a concert pianist or a fashion designer, it will always be in your favour that English has become the language of the world. It helps, too, that alongside the purely creative parts of the arts, there is a parallel world of technical and practical excellence in which imaginative flair can flourish. It was fascinating, if faintly bizarre, to see the film studios of Pinewood and Shepperton being awarded a Bafta. In a few weeks' time, it will be the Academy Awards and again Britain's creative wares will be judged through the eyes of the outside world. Slumdog may not match its showing at the Baftas, but with 10 nominations it is a strong contender for awards, as is Kate Winslet. In the traditional fashion, there are already many in the UK – in pubs, in the papers, at dinner parties – who are "fed up" with the film, and have "had enough" of Winslet. Already, too, there will be those who have been inspired by Boyle and Winslet, and those who think they're terribly old hat and that they themselves can do better. This is the best and worst of Britain as a creative nation. What cannot be denied is that time and again, in fields as diverse as painting, theatre, literature and heavy metal, the world responds to the British sensibility. To understand why, perhaps it's better to look at the equation the other way round. What is it that all art tries to do? Why do we create stuff? And is it something that British people are naturally suited to doing? These are big questions, but around them floats the idea of art as a search for truths about life. The constant questioning to which we subject creativity in this country is mirrored in the constant questioning that informs the works themselves. Although we have our share of the fake and dishonest in Britain, you only have to step outside the country for a short time to find that it is still viewed in many parts of the world as a place synonymous with a kind of integrity, with things done from the heart, with doing it like you mean it. And perhaps that's why, in our curious mixture of bloodymindedness and open-mindedness, cynicism and utter conviction, we continue to fascinate the world. 2月8日 伦敦,为什么我会怀念你转载 英国《金融时报》中文网特约撰稿人王昉 2008-11-21
写下这个标题的时候,我坐在住了一年半的伦敦北二区的顶楼小屋里。生活如常,我还没有要离开这个城市。
就在今天早晨,我和一个国内朋友网聊时说,我已经将近十天没有见到阳光了,伦敦已经彻底沦陷在了冬日无边无涯的萧瑟阴郁之中。来英国之前听说有人因为天气太差而移民,我觉得真是小题大作。现在我不仅完全理解,而且比英国人更加不能自持,每日像祥林嫂一般念叨着阴晴。当连续第十个早晨拉开窗帘又是一片晦涩的阴雨天的时候,我觉得我离抑郁不远了。 就在今天中午,一位英国同事邀请我下了班去喝一杯,这是本周收到的第三次邀请。仗着和他关系不错,仗着他们英国的天气影响了我的心情,我忍不住发了一通牢骚。请问你们为什么要这样嗜饮呢就因为平常你们都太拘谨只有几杯下肚才能let loose敞开心扉正常交际吗。请问没有比在寒冬中一人手执一瓶站在酒吧门外哪怕冻得瑟瑟发抖也要喝冰冻啤酒更人性更有趣的娱乐方式吗。你们英国人的饮酒量在过去四十年翻了一番这样不好不安全不健康知道吗。 很多时候伦敦总是在这里或那里得罪着我。比如令人绝望的天气,比如必须一脸严肃地宣称“我对酒精过敏”才不会因为点个果汁而被人耻笑,比如贵到匪夷所思的物价,比如没有手机信号的地铁,比如傍晚六点就关门的百货商店。刚来时一个英国朋友问我对伦敦的看法,我说,这个城市就像女演员中的一种,要在某个特定的时刻,从某个特定的角度看过去才觉得入眼,其它时候你都在困惑她究竟好在哪里。 伦敦自然有它可爱的地方,比如它无所不包的博物馆和永远精彩的舞台,比如它的历史感,比如伦敦人的幽默与自嘲。很多人说伦敦和北京相似的一点是待得越久越喜欢。对这种说法我一直持怀疑态度。这就好比一个媒人介绍对象时说,此人毛病多多,但相处久了就习惯了一般不能让人信服。 可是,就在今天晚上,在不那么经意的一个瞬间,我心底突然被伦敦小小地牵动了一下,随之竟涌起一种尚未离开已经怀念的奇妙感觉。这种感觉越来越强烈,发展成一种不可遏止地要将它记录下来的冲动。 准确地说,这个瞬间发生在我回家的路上,我刚在伦敦政治经济学院听完了一场讲座。主讲人是个来自苏格兰的金融历史学家,现执教哈佛,讲座的主题是货币和金融危机。整个讲座妙趣横生,末尾的一段最为精彩。他说,各位,中国和美国的关系不就像一对夫妻,一个负责赚钱,一个负责花钱吗。台下大笑。他说,如果没有中国人的储蓄,就不会有眼下这场从美国蔓延到全球的金融危机,我们要去向何方,在很大程度上取决于一个词:Chimerica —— 这是他的首创,是把中国和美国的英文名字捏成了一个词。 在回家的路上想起这段话,我不禁微笑了起来,而我对伦敦忽然而至的依恋也就产生在了这个瞬间。还能有这样一个地方吗,它的大学可以邀请到这个世界上最智慧的头脑,最多元的言论,并且毫无保留地对公众开放,热切地邀请任何感兴趣的人一起进行思想的碰撞。还能有这样一个地方吗,你可以接触到对你以为已经熟知的祖国这般新鲜的,迥异的看法,说者或褒或抑,听者自行评断。还能有这样一个地方吗,我每隔三五天就要禁不住诱惑,下了班空着肚子跑进学校听两个小时讲座,人满了听不上的时候还要沮丧好一阵。 和很多旅居海外的中国人一样,我时常抱怨生活在异乡的寂寞。这并不一定是独处的寂寞,更多的是脱离了一整个熟悉的家庭和社会网络,失去座标一脚悬空的寂寞,是既然这国不是我的国,这家不是我的家,我为谁奋斗,成功了又与谁分享的寂寞。来了英国才明白什么叫作发达社会,那是一种一切都上了轨道,一切都尘埃落定的感觉,这常常令我无比怀念国内热气腾腾的,不论什么都可能发生,都正在发生的日新月异。我从来没有改变过回国的决心,和朋友聊天也总是说,与其远远祝福她,不如回去建设她。可是慢慢的,我开始有了一点困惑,我终于走到了这座围城的墙角。 一个在伦敦住了五年的朋友说,他初到此地最强烈的感受,是手机突然安静了。国内呼朋唤友的喧嚣戛然而止,取而代之的是必须独自打发的长夜和周末。对此我感同身受。最近和一个国内来访的朋友聊天时我说,回了国我一定要住市中心,让朋友围着暖着,弥补我这儿冷清的生活。这位朋友露出难以置信的神色说,回了国就怕你饭局party多到躲也来不及,你最大的梦想就是找个地方一个人待着。原来寂寞真的有它的美丽。回了国,我还有空捧着书在咖啡馆坐一个周日的下午吗,我还有心情下了班跑去大学听讲座吗,我会不会觉得如眼下这般花一个晚上写可有可无的字纯属浪费时间?
最近和一个刚在英国名校读完硕士的朋友吃饭,问起她的近况。她说毕业之后她为一个慈善机构工作,这个机构给她提供一套免费住房,外加每周不到七十镑的生活津贴,她必须节俭地生活,可是吃得饱穿得暖,而且很有成就感。我问她可想回国,她说回是肯定要回的,可是一旦回去,就要卷入为钱为房子奋斗的洪流了,别说家人朋友不会允许,就连她也不能允许自己再如眼下这般生活了,所以,还是要等她干一段自己想干的事情再回去。的确,回了国,我也要加入这滚滚洪流了吧,与众人一样奋力向前,如果泳技不佳,我会焦躁不安吗,我可以允许自己落后吗? 刚来伦敦的时候,碰到过一个水管工。他在我们约好的某日下午五点准时出现,穿着笔挺的制服,头一件事是拿出一份公司文件让我签名。大致意思是:你家住在三楼以上,如果有类似爬高爬低可能损害我们员工人身安全的要求,我们的员工可以拒绝接受。签了名,开始干活修管子。一个小时后,眼看就快搞定,水管工拍拍裤腿收拾工具起身要走。我大惊,问他就差这么一点儿不能干完再走吗,超出的时间我可以付钱。他说,六点收工是公司规定,如果破例会引起工会不满,你可以致电公司再约时间。这事成为我向人控诉伦敦服务业之低效的经典案例,末尾总要加上这充分体现了帝国主义腐朽没落之类的感叹。慢慢地,习惯了这边劳力的昂贵,习惯了就算有钱也不一定买得到他乐意,我发现这就是为什么在伦敦,即便是所谓底层的劳动人民,比如搬运工或者清洁工,也总是衣着整洁腰杆笔挺。贵是贵了,慢是慢了,但反而叫人珍惜起他们的服务来。是要最高效的经济增长,还是追求社会的平等尊严,伦敦选择了后者。回到国内,我还能真正从内心深处平等地对待一个水管工吗?即便我可以,他可以生活得有保障,有自信,以他的职业为荣而不是在人家之前自己先矮了一头去吗? 和好几位在伦敦生活了多年的中国朋友聊天,问他们最喜欢这里什么,一个词出现的频率最高:安全感。开始我不解,什么安全感?走在北京上海的街头也很安全啊。直到国内的毒奶粉事件出现,我终于开始明白,这是指对食物的质量,对生活的环境,对政府的政策,对自己的财产,对假定一觉醒来不会发生变化的事物,一觉醒来果然没有发生变化的安全感。前几天去参加BBC四台现场直播的Any Questions节目,主持人Jonathan Dimbleby从1987年开始主持这档节目,每周四晚八点准时出现在电波中,二十一年后依然妙语连珠毫无疲态。英国的很多传统就和它的房子一样,动不动就有上百年了。安全感就是知道公司餐厅每周五必定供应炸鱼和薯条,就是知道每周三中午首相布朗一定要和反对党领袖在议会对轰一番,就是知道社区里那家医院那家学校十年以后还没被拆掉还会是那家医院那家学校。 和国内的朋友接触,总是觉得国内急剧的发展就好像一驾风驰电掣的列车,它呼啸着毫不留恋地向前飞奔,好像急于摆脱什么。在伦敦一个细小的政策变化可以让公众和政府你来我往辩论上大半年,而在国内再重大的公众事件吸引眼球也超不过三五天。可是这样的速度难免让人有隐隐的担心,那就是,这车上的螺丝都拧紧了吗?前方的轨道扳正了吗?如果发现了问题,刹车还来得及吗?一位朋友说:在国内我们的很多政策、我们设定的很多生活目标,都是针对未来两三年的,而英国人总是在为未来五十年一百年做打算,这源自他们的安全感,他们对火车不会出轨的信心。 作为一个老牌帝国主义国家的首都,伦敦是不是在走向衰败一直是讨论的话题,但不能否认的是,它曾经辉煌过、见识过、经历过、也阵痛过。这就是为什么它不免时常要带着居高临下的口吻评价我们这些世界经济舞台上的初来乍到者。不久前我和报社里一位英国同事有过一场争论。他写了一篇批评中国交通政策的文章,指出政府对环保轿车没有明显的倾斜,讥讽中国消费者仍对大排量车趋之若鹜,建议我们还是回到自行车年代。我说,你可以批评政府的政策,但不能批评老百姓开车的愿望,你可以帮助我们发展更好的车,而不是剥夺我们拥有的权利。他想了想,过了一会儿回来对我说:你说的对。改过的稿子里,已经拿掉了自行车的段落。可是事后我回头想,这就好像一个上了年纪的人对一个年轻人说,你不要做这个或那个,因为我有过惨痛的教训,而没有亲历过又心高气傲的年轻人却很少会心存感激地接受教导一样。伦敦在减排方面的政策的确要严苛得多,政府不遗余力地鼓励自行车和公众交通,任何一个来伦敦出差的中国朋友在领略了这里的蓝天白云和清新空气之后恐怕都不会对此提出异议。 写到这里我发现,虽然伦敦永远改造不了我拒绝酒精的胃,却已经在不知不觉中重塑我的思维。对先前居住过的几个城市,我总是到离开之后开始惦念,想起它种种的好。终于这一次,我学会了在离开之前体味和欣赏伦敦之美。纵然我还是要常常抱怨,纵然我还是会离开,我会不时想起今晚回家路上我突然微笑的这一个瞬间。在这个瞬间伦敦打动了我。 尽管她有点傲慢,有点拘谨,刻板而不那么圆通,但是她优雅守礼,幽默而克制,乐于包容,崇尚真知灼见。伦敦,这就是为什么我会怀念你。 进才的我们在伦敦 |
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